Tuesday, May 19, 2009

More Determined Than Ever

So yesterday I got my grade for my photography class this semester. It was a "C" in Multimedia. I'm sorry, but when there are 4 major grades in that class, just 4 photo projects for the entire semester, and my grades on them were 85, 89, 85, and 90, I think it should be understandable that I am just a little bit pissed off. There were other grades that apparently didn't weigh as much but I guess I was wrong on that. I didn't turn in one assignment that pretty much was a completion only assignment and I'm supposed to believe that that was enough to drop me an entire letter grade!? An assignment with no real value to what we were supposed to learn in the class!

I have never gotten higher than a "C" in any photography class. Anyone who knows me knows how serious I am about my photography and I'm sorry but I think I am much fucking higher than an average photographer.

I know I am not a journalist and probably never will be. I know there are better schools out there for what I want to do professionally. But the fact is I am staying here and I can get C's for the entire program until I graduate for all I care. Nothing is going to fucking slow me down and what I want to do.

I have learned a lot this past year with everything related to photography and this summer I am going to build a portfolio so fucking strong there won't be a doubt in anyones mind that I know what I am doing and I am going to be an awesome photographer one day.

I am going to shoot every possible thing and every person I know who will step in front of the camera for me this summer and I am determined to show that I should be in that PJ department.

I am tired of being put down with grades and what I do and it's time to really step it up and produce images that people are going to remember. I know I am not the best but I do know I am damn good at what I do and nothing is going to stop me from getting better. Nothing.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Blah

Right now, and for the past couple weeks at that matter, all I can think about is photography. I have a bunch of new shoots planned, or at least trying to be planned. It almost seems like every shoot lately never turns out as planned. Don't get me wrong the shoots are still successful and the pictures look great but there's always just a hint that there is something I don't like about it. Most people tell me I'm just being too hard on myself with my photography but I can never tell.

All I want to do is shoot and now that its summer time it should be easier than ever but I feel like I have more road blocks now than I did during the school year. The biggest thing on my mind is trying to prepare for a shoot in Nashville about a month from now and lining up all the right models to go down is hitting a lot of bumps and I only have one confirmed out of the three potentially going. Not to mention the details regarding the shoot are looking like it's going to cost myself and everyone who goes an arm and a leg but the pictures are going to be so amazing I know the experience will be worth it.

I'm still hoping to get a few more confirmations on people who I want to model for me as well and the waiting period always sucks. I know there are always going to be people who are interested in modeling but when it comes to my work I get ahead of myself faster than I can shoot the pictures and always want to work with the people I ask. I am very selective about people I ask to shoot and it can be a setback when people either have to think or are slow to get back to me. I really shouldn't care at all how long it takes someone to respond considering it takes me days to respond to anybody regarding anything. Anyone who has worked with me could probably tell you that on how I can be about this stuff. I tell myself there's a difference between taking things seriously and then how much I do but I never listen.

On the bright side though I have a lot people interested in hiring me for shoots this summer and I am getting two new pieces of equipment next week. A new lens and a new flash so I can't wait for that! I also re-did my profile on Model Mayhem and I think in terms of that site my profile looks a lot more attractive and more to what people want to see right away.

I got a ton on my mind but deep down I feel everything will play out and this summer is going to be a great one in terms of types of pictures and really accelerate my confidence and my shooting ability.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Many Lessons Learned

So why I am sitting here stalling in my attempts to study for my history final, I can't help but be distracted over everything I have learned, failed at, accomplished, and produced this semester. I can't help but think of everything that I have to learn and what all I have to look forward to in the future. I am so burnt out from a semester of shooting and am in extreme needs of a break but at the same time I feel energized and don't want to put the camera down for even a day because of how much is still out there that I need to push myself towards.

My photography means more to me now than it ever has in my entire life and it took me way too long to get to this point. To some degrees my photography and working with models is really all I have but more so, all I want.

In the efforts over the past week to get my website up and launched I was forced to take a look at my abilities as a photographer as well as a designer. More emphasis on the photographer part. I realized that what's the point of learning to design a great presentation and an attractively designed website if the content is of less attraction?

I believe I am a good photographer. I am very confident about my abilities with a camera in my hand. But at the same time I know I can shoot better, produce better, edit better, and do everything better. Basically, even though I am good, I am not at the point I want to be. I need to be better than what I am.

I am going to edit my website this summer and make it look better. I am going to take my business as a photographer off the ground. I am going to learn how to produce better pictures, be more professional when talking with people willing to model for me, learn how to edit better, learn to produce an attractive website with flash, but most of all become a better and over all well-rounded photographer.